So, I have now decided to actually talk about the stuff that other people would find important. Mainly the people who don’t really think the zombie apocalypse is going to transpire. As I alluded to in my last post, some crazy stuff happened during this past week that I wish I could say affected me more than it did. But, it is what it is. Sure it’s sad that I don’t even feel that bothered about it. I was angry for sure. But I didn’t feel hurt or sad. I was just angry. I guess I should actually say what happened.
This past weekend I went to go pick up my little sisters from their dad’s. I went by myself so I could stay at my friends’ and hang out. First thing was I ended up hanging out with Cameron. We mainly just watched movies and talked, but I was so sure that I was “over it” or whatever. Basically I made my self look like a freaking idiot because I told him I was never going to talk to him again, then we stayed up late into the night catching up. What the heck is my problem? I didn’t even care that the relationship we have is crazy and not good for either of us. I have resolve for a few days that I’m moving past the stuff that’s pulling me down, then I just fall right back down like a fat kid on a slide. I want to tell him that I shouldn’t have hung out with him that night. But, I like his company. He’s a good listener, and he’s funny. We’ve been at each other’s throats before, but it always worked out in the end. I guess the real question is, is it at the expense of me and my goals and my beliefs? And I think it is. I don’t like to come off as wishy-washy but I’ve made myself that way. It’s not the relationship that bothers me so much, I think, as the fact that I can be SO determined about something and go the completely opposite direction a couple days later. That is perhaps the most frustrating. I can see what isn’t good in my life. I can stop it too. But when it comes down to it, I lack the conviction to pull through and do it anyway. I guess it’s so much easier to live the same way.
Now that I’ve been all teenage dramatic, here’s the real event that pissed me off. My stepmother, Darla, texted me-yes, texted me-that I need to call a number, it was the phone company; she had released the rights to my phone and I had to pick them up; I had to get my stuff out of the building because she needed the space, and she thought I was trying to push them away. Bish didn’t even have the courage to call me and tell me. Why the heck would you not talk to someone about stuff like that? No, let’s just shoot them a text like it’s no big deal. Maybe play it down. Yeah, that’s real adult-like right there. They preached and preached about acting like an adult and being RESPONSIBLE and RESPECTFUL. But, I guess I don’t understand it. Anyways, so I called the phone company and told them what’s up. I didn’t seal the deal. I called my mom, literally shaking with anger, and told her what happened. After a quick discussion, I decided not to accept the rights to my phone. I think it was a low blow and unneccessary. Really, they are just pissed off because I’m not living with them and I’m doing fine. They were always asking me if there was something wrong or going on. Get over yourselves. Really. Later after I got home Darla and I had a heated discussion about everything. They are convinced that I moved out on my own will (telling me I have 30 minutes to get out means I moved out on my own will) and that I’m being immature and betraying them. I’m ungrateful. They are the victims. Yeah, I went into town to see some friends and didn’t tell them. The last two times I saw them they barely spoke to me. When I tried to involve myself they just acted like it was an obligation to listen and I was an annoying family member they were forced to chill with. Why would I want to see them? Apparently my father texted me and asked if I was in town the day before. I never got the text, so I couldn’t reply to it. But he’s convinced I got it and ignored it. His phone told him. All your phone tells you is that it was sent. My God. Your phone cannot tell you if it was received by the other phone or that it was read. After my argument with Darla, my father texted me this:
I did text you last night. It shows it was received and read. I know you are an adult. Act like one. Don’t access my part of the FAFSA anymore. You are an adult you can figure out how to go to school without my help and information. You did say you were moving out. I was as tired of your crap then as I am now. We went out of our way because we wanted to see you Wednesday, but you wouldn’t hardly say two words to us. [Bull shit.] I didn’t want to see you the last time you were in town because you sent me a hateful text earlier that day. [I told him I was coming into town to visit my friends anyway because he made some lame excuse saying he didn’t want to see me because he didn’t want me driving at night.] I get the message. You hate me. I will not contact you again. Please make arrangements to pick up the rest of your stuff. If you ever want to talk to me, you know how to get in touch with me. I will always gladly talk to you, but you will have to be the one to call or text. I will not call you or text you again without hearing from you first. I love you, [sounds like it] but I cannot keep living like this.
Me: I won’t put forth effort if you won’t. Sorry you see it that way. Love you too. Bye.
They burnt this bridge not me. They’re gonna try and eat their words someday, and they’re going to find I don’t give a flying shit. To put it as nicely as I can right now.