Spam Inspiration

After feeling the need to blog but deciding you guys probably didn’t want to hear about all of my theories on cleaning house (since that’s basically what I’ve done all day), I decided to check my spam.  And I proceeded to laugh and feel entertained and laugh some more.

To the people that tell me there must be something wrong with my computer because YOUR computer won’t load my blog fast enough for you…. Well, first let me tell you that in America we have this saying.  “Patience is a virtue.”  I.e.  You need patience.  I appreciate you waiting long enough to read my blog, but really, I don’t want to hear it.  Leave the whining for you mama.  Oh, I almost forget (squirrel!!), don’t be trying to tell me how to make my blog more Google friendly.  I don’t want, nor care if my blog is “Google-friendly” or not.  IT IS WHAT IT IS.  Se lavi.

To the people that keep telling me that if I keep up the hard work, they’ll follow my blog.  What makes you think I want you to follow my blog?  I will get no satisfaction from it.  I don’t care if you’re the freaking Queen of England or whatnot.  Where does a person get off on telling someone that if they “keep up the good work” on their CREATIVE outlet–where hard work doesn’t really matter–so said person can follow them.  Follow me or not.  That’s your own business.  But don’t think I’m going to try harder to please you.  Mainly because I never try.  And if it’s hard I make up my own way to do it.

And lastly, dear people who speak to me in a foreign language that must be related to elven, I SPEAK TEXAN.  Thanks for deciphering though.  I appreciate your efforts.

Oh, people of spam.  You make my day an entertaining one for sure.I’ve never really been big on the whole “constructive criticism” thing that I’m sure ya’ll people think you’re doing.  I don’t believe there is such a thing.  There is tough love, and sugar coating.  I prefer the tough.  Unless it comes to my meat.  Then I like it nice and tender.  And juicy.  One time I had this really GOOD, juicy, tender, flavorful smoked steak.  It made me cry at its perfection.  I knew from that day on I would never be able to be a real vegetarian.  Also, a good MLT is really nice.  Where the mutton is really tender…

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Or behind.  I stopped to smell the roses.  I suppose you can see I ended up digressing.  But it’s only because a dinosaur bit me in the nose and I had to go on a quest to get it back.  It involved a stapler, Nolan Gerard Funk, and maybe a little bit of the bow and arrow action.  But that’s a different blog all together.

And now I can smell an even better meat cooking.  Mainly because it is the meat of mexican food that I shall put on my burrito.  You know, the meat of the Mexican variety.  So, with that I say adios.  Keep up the good work people.  Then I might follow you.  Or care.

Sounds reasonable.
Sounds reasonable.

2 thoughts on “Spam Inspiration

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