The Long-Winded, Never-Ending Blog Post
Nearly Two weeks–
So, TADA!!! I’m here, finally. It has been a long wait (for me at least). And the funny thing is, I’m not even actually posting this normally. You see, I moved like, two weeks ago almost. We were supposed to have internet within a couple of deals. No biggie. But then there was something about people being stupid and inconsiderate (*ahemcenturylinkahem*) and turns out, it’s going to basically be forever before we get internet. So, I was like, “Hey, you don’t need internet to use Word!!” (I’m so genius.) So, BASICALLY, I can fulfill half of my blogging obsession and write. I just can’t be all nosy and hear about other people’s high school drama, squirrel trapeze artists, and random quotes from suicidal writers from long ago (yay for Sylvia Plath). And, instead of writing a bunch of blog posts and killing your eyes from all the Vengeance Intensity showing up, I’ll just write a really long blog post to cover the dinosaur ages I’m living in right now. And, hopefully fool you into thinking that it really isn’t too long.
Moving day was awesome and exhausting. I was really hyped up on caffeine; my mom’s coffee is like straight espresso. The first time I drank it I didn’t know what to do. Now, I have issues drinking Starbucks. Thanks Mom. Anyhow, the night before, actually, the day before we packed a lot of boxes and did some shopping and got the kids ready to transfer into their new schools. I was really tired the whole day because I had stayed up late the night before packing stuff from my room. Then I got up and packed most of the kitchen, more of mine and Kennedy’s room, Nathan’s room, the laundry room… You get the picture. And we still didn’t have most of the house packed. Eight people equals a lot of crap. Then we had to load it up. Sigh. I ended up getting rid of some stuff that I had been hesitant about throwing away before. I got rid of all my soccer, basketball, track meet, and academic trophies. I mean, what am I supposed to do with them? Get married and display them in a trophy room. Yeahh…. So I threw those out. I also threw out most of my stuffed animals. Now, if you don’t know me well, this wouldn’t seem like a big deal. But me and my animals are tight. We have deep and serious relationships. I cut their hair; I cook them flash-card-lasagna (instead of studying the flashcards); I give them baths, walk them, and give them bows and name tags; I make sure they are always comfortable not only when I leave for school, but at night as well; I’ve named them all; I even drew portraits of them in my own nonartistic Picasso style I’ve got. BASICALLY, I have a thing about stuffed animals. Even though I didn’t really play with Barbies and all those other toys people got me, I loved playing with my stuffed animals. So, for me to get rid of my stuffed animals that I had named, cuddled, and given haircuts to… it’s a big deal, okay? Even if I am nineteen. No hating. But, I didn’t throw them in the trash. I take really good care of my stuff. They all looked really nice and I couldn’t justify throwing them out like childhood memories, so I put them in bags (body bags, gulp) and donated them to a local Salvation Army thing. Now, a little kid gets to hang out with my awesome childhood buddies.
My favorite part of moving day is a toss up. I really enjoyed the moment I was getting up from the floor and my back finally popped. But also, my favorite Meeme and Grandpa (HI!!!!) brought my Lazy-Boy recliner from their house. They drove all the way down to us just to do so. They were holding on to it for me at their house, and I guess Grandpa decided enough was enough. I’m so happy to be reunited. It used to be my dad’s, but when he got a new one and tried to sell it in a garage sale, I was like, “Heck no!!! Imma pay for it.” It has moved almost everywhere with me. It will be one of those pieces of furniture people look at and say, “What the heck is this doing here? It’s shabby and matches nothing!!” And I’m going to say, “Dude don’t hate.” It’s squeaky, slightly broken, and a little worn, but I love it. It still rocks (though with some noise), still reclines (sometimes I sleep in it), still is the most comfortable thing to sit in in the whole house (but I’m so protective only I am allowed to sit in it), and it is Cowboys’ colors (navy blue). What’s there to hate?
The weekend we moved in the girls were at their dad’s in Amarillo. It was nice moving day to not have to worry about three little ones messing with stuff as it came out of the boxes or getting in the way of you carrying something really big and you running into them. But, when I got our room all put together (the first one in the house) I wanted to be able to look at Trinity and be like, “What, what?!?!?” It was really kind of lonely the first night here. I ended up sleeping on the floor of Kennedy’s room. Our beds wouldn’t be put together until the next day so we were just sleeping on mattresses anyways. On top of that, we didn’t have any night lights or anything, which she hates, and I had gotten used to having someone else sleeping in the room. So, I slept on the floor.
The girls are here now, though they will be gone this weekend and I feel as if I may end up on Zoe’s bed while they are gone. We have gotten most of our stuff out of the old house now, and it’s starting to all come together really nicely. The best part is I know where everything is because I helped unpack most of it. I had to quit my job at the clothing store, which really sucks because I loved that job. But, last Friday Kennedy and I went into town and the theater was hiring. A sign from God. I hope so anyway. I love movies and popcorn and sodas that taste nothing like normal sodas. I still have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. I have entertained the idea of becoming an MMA fighter and opening my own theater and being an undercover cop taking down the drug lords of the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Who knows? I know I need moola though. Please God, give me this job. And internet access.
Well, now it has been a couple of days and there is STILL no internet access. I think I’m about to go bonkers. Forget this long, rambling blog post; this post has become my slow death by lack of technology and instant gratification. Gone are the days when I can sit and dream of being a trapeze artist for a whole three seconds, until I realize how completely stupid trapeze artists are. Gone are the days when I can look online for the answers to my sister’s quizzes and homework because I forget what ionization even means, much less how to write it down on paper intelligibly. Gone are the days when I can listen to music for hours on Grooveshark and then promptly freak out because it made my computer get a horrible virus. It’s like a ruptured appendix to your computer. I only feel as if it is right to warn you before my untimely death. No longer can I sit in my rocking chair and look up videos of people vigorously exercising and read advice on the best diet and get motivated enough to plug my computer in so it won’t die. Because if it died I wouldn’t be able to watch more exercise videos. And then I wouldn’t laugh. And that would be a cold day in Juuuuuulllyyyyyyyyy!!!!
And, as I come to this slow death, it is time to admit a fantasy I have been entertaining recently. Or a few actually.
Scene!!! There is a drug deal going down, but everyone there knows that it will go wrong. Tony doesn’t have the money. He’s going to try and steal the goods. You see the guns in each of the gangs’ wastebands. There is tension building. They all start getting a little heated; it comes to a roar when….. BAM!!!! The most fearsome gangster in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area shows up. She has amazing hair, awesome Nikes, and moves like Jagger. “This is my territory, brothas.” Next thing you know, SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!!!! They are all on the ground. GASP!!! Are they dead? No, she’s cool like Batman. No killing here tonight. She’s on a diet. She dials 911 with her gloved hands on one of the gangsta’s phones. She drops the phone and a little red envelope. She disappears into the night, only a legend to some, but real enough to clear the streets of gang violence and speak to your children in the elementary schools about why drugs are bad. And alcohol too.
Scene!!!! Blood flying from a mouth; the jaw has been dislocated. But how could this be?!?! He’s a five-time heavy-weight UFC champion. And he’s getting poned by a five-foot-three, red headed girl with a mean ol’ one-two. Oh, this is rich!!! Who would’ve imagined a fight like this?? Small town girl with only six weeks of training, taking on a heavy-weight champ like this? I see Monster sponsorships, some Dallas Cowboy season tickets, a certain yahtzee boyfriend in this girl’s future. No one will mess with her. In fact, she advocates for improvement in the standards of the public school system, and no one tells her no.
Scene!!! She started out as a small-time cop. Now she is a big-time detective. They put her name in the sky when it becomes too much for the regular cops anymore. She has solved more murders than the great detective Shawn Spencer himself. In fact, Shawn Spencer now claims to have trained under her. She visits the high schools to inform and recruit for the local PD. She gets a standing ovation every time.
I don’t know who this mysterious girl is. But her hair is amazing. And I think we really have a lot in common with each other.
In other news, I have started to write my first book. Actually, I’m sort of writing two books at once. Kennedy and I are writing a self-help book for all you people out there who aren’t perfect. It’s called The Narcissist’s Self-Help. Our collaboration, with a foreword by Nathan means it will be sold out before it even hits the shelves. The other book I’m writing is more like a novel. BASICALLY, I read a tweet from some random person I don’t actually know but somehow ended up on my twitter log…. anyhoo, it called for someone to write a novel in which the writer slowly falls in love with the reader. So, I’m rising to the occasion. It’s actually really stupid of me to try and write something so complicated and intricate on my first try, but I’m looking forward to seeing how it comes out none the less. I’ve got some good ideas. It’s just implementing them that’s the hard part. I’ve actually come up with a couple of other ideas for books that I may try later. I guess I’ll have to see how these first couple of books goes. Right now, I’m writing them more for the fun of it, but you never know. Maybe someone will actually like them. And if not, maybe I’ll self-publish just for the fun of it.
It’s about two in the morning right now. I made a last minute trap up to the panhandle tonight. I enjoy driving, but it was a long trip all the same. And I was drinking lots of coffee to make sure I stayed awake, so now my mind is going a million miles an hour and wants to do all sorts of things, but my eyes and body are telling me to shut it down. I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t bring my computer charger, so I’ll have to shut my computer off at some point.
I’m also having some trouble relaxing because I made plans to see my dad tomorrow. It’s going to be the first time I’ve seen them since our big fight with my books and stuff. I just realized I forget Nick and Dani’s Christmas presents though. Which is really ironic because I actually made a packing checklist so I wouldn’t forget those exact things specifically. I made the checklist and didn’t use it. Amazing. I digress… I don’t plan on staying long. I’ll probably only visit for a few minutes. Good news!!! They found the rest of my books. At my suggestion (because I was really angry about having to start my collection all over again), they checked out the attic to see if there was any of my stuff that got put up there and forgotten about. Guess what?!? There was a whole six boxes full of stuff. Mostly books. And, my dad actually apologized. What?!? Anyways, I’m not sure where I’m going to put these six boxes of books in mine and Trinity’s room, but I’m so stoked that I am finally going to be reunited with my books. I need a bookshelf. Or two.
I’m going to go write a novel and fall in love now. Maybe next time I get on my computer it will be to post this online so ya’ll won’t die. This is already 2, 331 words. Oh, dear.
Two and a half weeks—
I’m going to die. Who would’ve thought that going only a couple of weeks without internet could be so devastating? I think I’m going to have to be admitted soon. I’m running out of things to do on my computer. I made an account for Nathan on here, even though he barely uses my computer. I’ve started writing multiple books. I made folders within folders, within folders, which are sometimes within folders. Everything is so organized, it’s almost impossible to figure out where everything is!!! Unless you’re me. So I guess it’s okay. All the same though…. I can’t do anything more on my computer. INTERNET.
Anyhoo, I’ll tell Microsoft Word about my weekend and hope it eventually reaches my readers’ eyes. If ya’ll are still there. Ooh!!! I can add ya’ll to my computer’s dictionary!! Yesssss. But, this weekend. Right. So, like I mentioned a few days ago (a few paragraphs ago to you), I went to go pick up the girls from their dad’s again. I stayed with my cousin, who’s awesome and has a really cute baby. We hung out/talked for a little while. It had been quite some time since we had last seen each other, so there was quite a bit of talking to do. We can text, but it’s not quite the same. So, she told me about Harlow and changing majors from becoming a lawyer’s assistant to welding. I told her about moving, and quitting, and writing, and sleeping…. Just kidding. I did tell her that I had been thinking about moving down that direction to go to school at Frank-Phillips for welding. I had considered it before I enlisted, and I still really liked the idea. I know you are probably thinking we are the weirdest girls ever, but basically you’ve never lived until you’ve welded. My grandpa is the awesomest man in the world. He’s a welder. A really good one. He actually teaches the classes at the college now. When I was thinking about doing welding, I went to go visit the college and one of the students he has taught me some stuff. It was so fun. I really enjoyed it, but I let people talk me out of it. Something about it being dangerous and what not. So I joined the army. I digress, my grandpa’s really cool and I had been thinking about going to his college to get my welding certification. So, we started talking about me staying with her. Well, she mentioned it to me and I got really happy because I have really awesome cousins and aunt and papa and I was thinking about just staying in a dorm. I haven’t fully made up my mind, but I’m pretty sure it’s what I’m going to do.
I’ve been really wishy-washy on the whole get-a-life-thing. I haven’t been able to come to a conclusion about what I want to do. I really liked the idea of finally becoming a welder. It has been in the back of my mind, really, since I became discharged. I don’t know why it has been taking me so long to get my butt in gear and moving. I’ve been scared of failure for sure. Who isn’t? I think I have more issues with the idea of non-perfection than the normal person though. Also, I have been feeling really guilty recently. Well, for the past few months. I want to move on with my life, call the mistakes I’ve made mistakes and keep on truckin’… but it’s been hard for me to do. I don’t want to leave my family in Dallas because they say I’m such a help. Mom says she can cope without me, they’ve done it before, but I feel like we’re barely coping right now. I don’t feel like I’ve done too much, but I don’t want to cause harm. I almost feel an unspoken pressure to go to college down here, get a job down here, stay down here to be ready to help. Obviously, no one has said that. It’s just something my mind has been telling me I need to do, but I don’t want to. It doesn’t feel right. I love Dallas. And I definitely want to live here someday. But, maybe now isn’t the right time to do so.
I was talking to Kennedy and Nathan about it yesterday. It’s amazing that they are younger than me and already so wise. I think they are just unbiased actually. And don’t have mental issues. I was telling them how I think it’s wrong for me to just leave and go to college. They both snorted and started talking, trying to tell me the exact same thing. “It’s what people do. It’s what I’m going to do. People leave to go to college all the time.” And I guess they’re right. People do leave to go to college. Why should I be any different? Kennedy said I go at life with the attitude that I’ve already screwed up my chance, but that I need to realize I can get that back. I’m just making it harder on myself by putting it off.
Phew, I know you guys wish you had younger siblings that wise. Obviously, I’m not going to just make the decision based on what my younger siblings say. I love them, and they are too smart to be related to me, but they are my younger siblings and I have standards. Just kidding. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t make my decision based solely on what they told me. After and before talking to them I have realized that, recently especially, I have made a lot of decisions based on wanting people to be happy. And, a lot of the times I don’t feel as happy. In my head, it’s selfish to put yourself anywhere but last. It’s selfish to complain about your lot. For me, especially so since I’m the one that got me where I was. But, I think it’s time for me to be a little selfish I guess. Because BASICALLY if I don’t, I’ll be one of those old ladies with 29 cats and no one to talk to. I’ve been living through my writings and hearing about other people’s lives. And it’s pretty pathetic. So, I’m making a decision. To be happy and enjoy what I’m doing. To not be the lady with 29 cats, because I would have to take 29 Zyrtecs a day to cope.
On Facebook, I’ve been seeing my friends trying out for the Voice and hosting events, talking about their college discussions and homework, and in the case of one of my friends, scuba diving. (Yes, I have more than one friend trying out for the Voice. Ironically, neither of them were in choir.) And it sucked. And I’m tired of it sucking. I look forward to the day when I can post, “Suckers!!! Got my welding license!!! What?!!?” Also it would be nice to say that I’ve published some books and stuff like that. My sister and I have been messing around with some sound programs too. And I guess since I’m in choir I should actually sing Mary Had a Little Lamb or something for YouTube. I’ll turn it into a heavy metal song.
Oh, I got way off track. So, anyway, Shelby (my cousin) and I talked about that stuff. Then I went to go see my dad. My stepmom stayed in the kitchen and made sure not to look at me. My dad helped me load my books into the car and we chatted some. I was so excited to get my books!!! Nick and Dani had really grown up! They were so tall. I got the date of Dani’s dance recital and I’m hoping I can make it, especially since it may be her last one. The visit was surprisingly nonstressful. For the most part, Dad asked about college and I accidentally mentioned I had been thinking of moving closer, but it smoothed over well. He mentioned he wanted to see me more. And it was nice talking to my brother and sister again. I’ve certainly missed them. I think if we avoid the big topics, we’ll be alright. Maybe. Fingers crossed because I’m kind of getting tired of fighting. And it’s like Kennedy told me at least four times yesterday, I get grumpy when I’m tired. And when I don’t have internet access. I’m going to go find a crime show to watch or something….. (3,769 words.)
It’s finally happened!! A really attractive, sweet man gave me the gift of internet. Thanks if you made it this far!!!! I think I’ve got half of my novel done!! (3795 words)