One Really Long Half-Birthday

I often feel related to this man.
I often feel related to this man.

Today was my half-birthday!! I was going to celebrate my birthday today because my birthday is on Christmas Eve and everything. But it didn’t really happen. I actually ended up having a really long day and now I can’t even type right.

First it started out with work. Bad enough as it is. I mean, it’s Pizza Hut. Not really ever digging this job. But then the manager didn’t have the schedule up and it was the last day of this schedule and people were being jerks and getting on to me for stuff that other people do all the time. I guarantee if I was Sara I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble. So I kindly informed my manager not to put me on the next schedule, if she ever put it up at all. And I turned my uniform in before I went to school.

So, of course I go to school in a bad mood and start kind of snapping at all sorts of people. Including the one person who’s actually brave enough to be my friend. I turned around pretty fast though. I wasn’t having any fun. I tried to set one guy on fire (he dared me to, and I dared on), couldn’t get my torch on a neutral flame without oxidizing it, and basically just screwing up every freaking shape I tried to cut. It was making me stupid mad. And I do mean stupid. I don’t even know where to begin counting how many times I asked Brett what the hell he was talking about. I couldn’t follow anything. Then of course when I thought I finally cut a good one, nope. I have to do “a few more”. Sigh. Sometimes welding makes me want to shoot my foot. Which reminds me, I caught my pants on fire. Sort of. Brett cut out a hexagon and I hammered it out for him. Except I hammered it into my leg. I now have a perfect hexagon on my thigh and a matching hole on my pants. Yessssss. Never mind the fact I bought them for $54. Oh, well. I was kind of asking for it I guess.

Then when I get home (this is where you really want to tune in), I was texting my friend and hanging out with my cousin thinking that maybe, just maybe it could turn out to be a good day after all. Then my cousin, Shelby, had to try and get my phone. So we’re chasing each other all over the house and tackling each other and punching each other and yelling. Then next thing you know, I’m in my room with my phone, sitting in my chair with the victory face on. Shelby comes to my door and says, “I hope you have fun with Bloody Mary looking in your window.” She then turns out my light and closes the door on me. So, I’m sitting in my chair paralyzed in fear from the dark and threat of Bloody Mary herself. Now, I KNOW I’ve mentioned how scared I am of Bloody Mary before. Terrified. Piss in my pants, bawl like a baby, go psycho like Jack Nicolson scared. I’m not kidding when I say I’m scared of her. So, I start crying. Like a toddler. And screaming for Shelby to open the door and turn the light on. What does she do when she hears me? Starts making grudge lady sounds. It’s too much for me. I plug my ears, have tears streaming down my face and start singing—very loudly—Jesus Loves Me. Then when I can’t remember the rest of the words I start screaming for Shelby again. Then when I realize she isn’t coming I resort to full throttled sobbing. Like five hours later, she finally opens the door and turns on the light and laughs at me. Never mind the fact I actually saw something move in my window and was about to die. Nope, she thinks it’s all good fun. Apparently she didn’t realize how scared I was of Bloody Mary. Hmph….

Naturally once the light was on, I grabbed my machete and started texting Brett. So now he thinks I’m a psycho too. Which is just so AWESOME. After lots of praying and sitting quietly with my machete, I get up the courage to go to the kitchen to get some milk. As I’m walking through the door of the kitchen I stub my toe on the ladder that’s just chilling there. At first it was no big deal. Then I started laughing hysterically, and my toe rapidly started swelling and changing colors. I think it’s broken. A good way to end the day I think.

Phew! I can’t believe all of this happened today!!! But I think we’ve all learned a few lessons today. First of all, don’t dare me to set you on fire, because I will. Unless somebody yanks me back. Secondly, don’t doubt me when I say I’m scared of something. Thirdly, I am completely and irrevocably psycho.

Keep it classy, folks.

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My Dreams as of Late

What do you mean there are other hot men?!
What do you mean there are other hot men?!

So recently I have been having some really crazy dreams.  Normally I don’t remember my dreams, but I’ve been trying to more and more.  I don’t have nightmares that often, but I have these really epic, action packed dreams.  So I’m trying to become an avid sleeper.  Basically you think you’re dreams are real.  You can remember them better.  And experience them better.

I don’t really know what is causing all these dreams as of late.  Perhaps it has been my overload on Lord of the Rings movies.  I rented The Hobbit from Redbox and watched it like a million times.  Then I turned it in right before I went to Canyon for the weekend, except my brother and my dad were in the middle of the series.   So I didn’t escape it.  My dreams have been filled with heart pounding adventure, bloody battles, and some really hot guy besides Legolas who really hits it off with me.  I somehow end up in Middle Earth, kill some animals for clothes because my pajamas aren’t really working out, discover I’m half Nasgul (the wraiths of the nine elven kings) but was brought there for the good side, start killing a bunch of Orcs (bad-ass style)  and in the middle of a battle meet another animal-skin clad person, who is the really hot guy I mentioned afore.  All in all, adrenaline in my sleep.  I wake up with my heart racing and breathing fast.  And I’m really sweaty.  But that may have more to do with the fact that I was all tangled up in my blankets from all the sword swinging and spear throwing and bow and arrow action.  It’s pretty epic, people.  You wish you had dreams like me.

In other news, I spent this past weekend in Canyon visiting my family.  We got some boxes moved so we won’t have as much to move on July 11th and hung out.  I found a really awesome smoke shop to get some more tobacco from, and they have a really cool pipe that I want made out of fish bone. Yesssssss.  I got my job back at Sonic for like a dollar more an hour than what I was getting paid there before AND (now this is a real kicker and I’m not sure how I made this happen) I get every SATURDAY off.  Yes, you heard me right.  Every Saturday, I have off.  Partyyyyyy?!?!?!  I think so!!!

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before but one of my old friends is moving back to Canyon just a couple of weeks before me.  To be more specific, my old roommate that I was really tight with.  So, needless to say we are both pretty pumped.  More than anyone should ever be about moving to Canyon.  In fact, the only downfall is living the friends I’ve made here in Borger.  Especially one.  😛

And that’s all I have for right now!!! Peace out dawgs.  Eat some buttermilk biscuits.  And as always, keep it classy folks.

I’ve Got a Friend! :D

I'm just so angry sometimes...
I’m just so angry sometimes…

I’m such a nerd. I’m all excited and on a high because I met someone I might actually be able to be friends with for a while. He’s pretty awesome. He’s in my welding class. We basically have the same attitude about life, same humor, and he’s read Animal Farm. That’s a well rounded man these days. Except now I’m all sad because I’m moving on the tenth and he’s not.

Yes, I’m moving for the fourth time within the past year. Rawr. And this time I’m actually like super sad because I made some friends and am happy for the most part. So I’m sure you are wondering why I’m moving now. Well, I can’t seem to find a car I can buy. First I thought I could buy my grandparents’ Mustang, but they decided to sell it to my mom. Then my mom bought another car from across the street, that I had actually been looking at. For like $300. It needed a little bit of work, but still. Meeme had mentioned it to me but told me I didn’t really have enough to start looking for cars so I figured I didn’t need to ask the guy how much he wanted for it. Makes sense, right? But apparently I’m really dumb and said things I don’t remember saying. So, yeah…. I don’t make enough money to get a car financed. I can’t stay here without a car because it is hard on the people I’m living with to drive me around. When I first moved down here, that wasn’t supposed to be the deal, but it is. I got so frustrated I did that really logical thing that people do when they get frustrated. I killed a man. Just kidding. I just felt like that. I called my dad, actually. And now I’m moving back home after this welding class is over. I’m going to take a break and save up enough money to get all my little ducks in order (get a working car all to myself) and then I’ll go back to school.

My new friend said something about it being stupid to let distance come between a friendship. I hope he means it, because it has been really refreshing to be able to talk to someone and joke around. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but it’s not the same. And I love all of my old friends. I have even made plans with one of my old friends from Canyon. But still…. I don’t really know how to explain it.

This wasn’t supposed to be a depressing blog, or a frustrated blog. But my hip hurts. I have one foot with a burn and a bruise. I’m excited to go back to Canyon, but reality hit me pretty hard today when I actually sat down and looked at a calendar.

Welp, keep it classy my friends. At least my computer goes everywhere with me. 

An Hour and a Half Later

I have the bestest best friend ever. Excuse me while I go second grade up in this joint. I was sooooo sad and mad. So I talked to my best friend. And now I’m happy.

Okay, I’ll tell you what really happened. I wrote the above and was like, “O honey sugar sweet iced tea, my life freaking sucks.” So I went to go sit outside and talk to Bruce Wayne (the mysterious friend not previously named) and went psycho. I was like, “If you really meant that you liked being my friend [this sounds so ridiculous in my head] then we should work around the distance.” He was like, “We totally should; you’re my closest friend.” And I was like (in my head), “Where the hell have you been all my life?” I was being all dramatic because that’s normally what I have to do to get people to listen to me and hear what I’m saying and RESPOND. He was just like, chill and okay with it all. I had to apologize for going crazy. Lucky for me, he’s understanding. I hope.

And I of course realize how ridiculously stupid this might sound to you. I mean, I basically forgot I’m nineteen and not seven in drama class. Hmph. Like I said, he’s awesome. I’ve never met anyone that can take what I throw, and be okay with it. And then throw it right back at me. It feels so great. It’s like when that valedictorian of the Institute of Sarcasm (me) finds the valedictorian of the Institute of Verbal Irony (Bruce). SKADOOSH!!!! Instant awesomeness and cutting vocabulary. And cutting looks. And lots and lots of laughing. Yesssssssssss.

I’m kind of hoping he forgets about that link I sent him to this blog. But, Bruce, if you are reading this. Don’t take it in a creepy, psycho, ignore-that-bitch-over-there way. I’m just really happy to have a friend my age. Love you Kenny. Kenny, my love. 😉 And of course my Mason man brother. But, Kennedy and Mason—luckily–don’t have the same experiences that I do. And let’s face it, we’re siblings. We only get each other to a certain point. Then we want to strangle each other. I’ve needed a friend basically. And it’s nice. To have one.

Oh, and I forgot to tell ya’ll!!! I drank milk. That really stressful day I called my daddy….. yeah. I was doing so good!! But, it did me some good. I’m not as addicted to dairy products. So maybe people won’t feel the need to tell me that I’m seriously overweight and the most unhealthy person they’ve ever known. I mean, if you tell me that, I still love you. I’m just a little pissed off. That’s all. Steam’s gotta blow.

I miss squirrels. And football. Which by the way, you poor unfortunate souls will be getting a lot of football highlights. Because I’m going to be living with my dad. Which means I won’t be missing a game this year. Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! MILES AUSTIN. Learn the name. You’ll hear it a lot.

And now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, let the steam blow, let the comments fly, and had a slightly bipolar moment….. I’m going to listen to Christmas music. Acapella Christmas music.

Hey!! Buttercup!!!! Aca-believe it!!!

Keep it classy peeps. I’ll do everything else.

What’s Going Down

yummy yummy yummy
yummy yummy yummy

So I’ve been trying to post blogs for a really long time now. But every time I get it typed and ready to publish, my internet goes down. Like, whatever, I didn’t want to blog anyways…..

But, here’s what’s going down anyhow for when I can actually post this. It turns out that my sister isn’t lactose intolerant, she has a dairy allergy—which, coincidentally, is a million times worse than being lactose intolerant. On top of not being able to have anything made of milk, there are certain proteins that you can’t have either. And you have to read the label of EVERYTHING you eat. It’s crazy. Especially to a girl like me who goes through almost a gallon of milk every other day. So, my sister and I have a bet going now. Because I think that if it actually came down to it, I could get rid of dairy. She says that I can’t. So from my first day of school (five days ago) to my last day of school (a month and a half from now), I have a dairy allergy too. At first I was all like, yeah, this should be easy. The first couple of days I didn’t even have any troubles following the diet. Then it was like going through detox. I was craving milk, cheese, butter, pizza, chocolate, and ice cream like I’ve never craved them before. My cousin said she was going to make a sweet run and asked if I needed anything. I got my batman voice and said, “MILK.” She looked a little worried at my desperateness and ferocity in which those four little letters had so I quickly said, “Just some orange juice, please.” People, don’t get a dairy allergy it effs you up. But I’m still dairy free!!!! Even though I had to avoid the kitchen all day because I knew I would get milk if I went in there for more than five seconds, I am still succeeding. I WILL PERSERVERE.

Someone please help me. I need milk. I can feel my bones breaking as we speak.

In other news, I hate my job. Almost all of my friends that I work with are quitting or looking for a new job so they can quit. It’s horrifying. Milk. Today was so bad at work. I got into a fight with a semi-new guy at work because he kept trying to tell me to clock in even though the manager was telling me not to. Apparently he can’t do his job all by himself. Okay, loser. So we were at each other’s throats before work even began. Then I got into it with another girl because she was pissed about how much work she did and only getting paid waitress salary. The heifer asked to be a waitress. So calm down, doll. Then the kitchen kept skipping over pizzas so I was yelled at by TWO customers. That’s pretty major for me. I never get yelled at. If nothing else, they’re too scared to complain to me. And I was yelled at twice. And I won’t lie, I was pretty pissed at them too. Obviously it’s not my fault the kitchen doesn’t know their ass from their head…. Needless to say, my customer service went to shit.

I’m looking for a new job.

I started classes Monday!!!! It is so much fun!!! I love welding. Sometimes I get really frustrated, but it’s so worth it. I feel so good, and I haven’t enjoyed something this much since my football analysis days. This is so awesome. I get all warm and gooey just thinking about it. The classes were cool enough as it is, but then to actually get into the shop and do WORK, you just don’t understand how great it feels to be covered in ash and sweat running down your back and looking at this piece of crap you worked your ass off on. It’s so gratifying for me, and I’m not even doing anything substantial yet!!!! Plus, I look pretty good in my welding shades. Baha!!!! I was actually really depressed I didn’t have class today. I really wanted to weld some more. 😦

It’s crazy how much passion I already have for this. The guy in the stall next to mine in shop summed it up quite nicely, “I think I just fell in love.” I know exactly what he means. And to all those people that say welding is a waste of my brain, quit acting like you know me. Welding is so amazing. Not just anyone off the street can say they know how to control metal. They know how to melt it and make it into something no one could’ve thought it could be. Welders can take a piece of crap and make it into something beautiful. Something with a purpose. Just look around you! I’d bet my next fifty paychecks that a welder was involved in making the building you’re in.

I think in my previous life I was a metal worker/forger person. I forgot what they are called right now. But you know what I mean. I was like that chick on A Knight’s Tale. Totally BA and making all them boys look dumbo. Cuz I’m so awesome. It’s so great to know what I want to do with my life now. I’m so impatient for it, but so ready. I’m pumped for life. I’m not Br’y the top student anymore. I’m Br’y—Welder. How do you like them apples?

Milk is yummy. But orange juice more so.

Anyhoo, that’s all I really have to say right now!!!! I miss you, my dear blogging friends!! Keep it classy and remember, orange juice can taste like milk. It’s all about perception. Keep it classy, my friends.

How to Make Your Own Entertainment

funny-mishaps

As I’ve mentioned before, there’s not really anything to do where I live. There’s a place called Wildcatter’s where you can go bowling, a small theater, and a few little parks. Of course, I’m sure you’re thinking that the theater is right up my alley. My thing. Which you are right. But, it’s not a dollar theater and I’m now a broke college kid. Haha. And on top of that, I’m running with a different crowd now. These aren’t the Phatts. These are the crazy people.
Anyways… I figured there are some other people out there who are just as bored as me, or they are at least in the same situation. So I thought I would help ya’ll find something to do. Here’s a few suggestions that I know will keep you entertained for a bit (mainly because I’ve done them all).

1. Knock on someone’s door and run away, but do it to the same person once a week and see how many times you can do it without them figuring out who you are. (Psssstttt….. Greg! It’s been me this whole time!!!!)

2. Bust a whole in your cousin’s bike wheel and fix the wheel. But while you are at Wally World looking for a new tube and tire, put a skateboard on the ground to look at it and get yelled at for riding it in the store. Even though you never put a foot on it. Then, follow that employee around until last call (since you went 15 minutes before closing time). Then, after you go through all the effort to fix it, bust it again.

3. Go get the skateboard.

4. Get road burn from trying to learn how skateboard on asphalt. (I still have the scars.)

5. Get another job so you are never home and never have time to eat. But you still don’t lose any weight. Because that would make sense and make it worth it. Then have your hip pop out of place and quit the second job. (It was fun while it lasted.)

6. Sign up for a welding class with a lady who doesn’t know what’s going on anymore than you do. Next thing you know, you’re signed up for 18 hours and you should only be signed up for 2. Then go fix it because otherwise your grandpa won’t pay for it. (I start tomorrow!!!!)

7. Imitate a Beyonce dance outside in daylight where the whole world can see you. Including your 86 year old Papa. Then run away barefoot and get stickers in your feet.

8. Watch Breaking Dawn Part 2. Five times in a row. And cry every single time Carlisle dies.

9. Watch Les Mis and cry during the whole movie.

10. Look up hot guys.

11. Dye your hair 4 times in as many weeks. Then freak out because your hair is starting to fall out and look a little green.

12. Reread the Harry Potter series and realize you are the kid Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange never had.

13. Chase chickens.

14. Help Papa with the garden.

15. Improve your Texan accent.

16. Watch the Academy Awards and not know what anyone is talking about. Because you don’t care.

17. Take crap from your Papa for being Texan and a Yankees fan at the same time.

18. Get your Papa a cactus because he said he wants one. But when you give it to him he tells you he can’t eat it.

19. Update your Facebook 7 times a day.

20. Watch Disney movies with your two year old cousin over and over and over and over and over and over and over……

21. Pay bills.

22. Buy tools and a tool bag.

23. Order cute rain boots.

24. Have your dad’s cat pee on your purse.

25. Go to your sister’s dance recital and cry some more.

26. Write every one of your siblings a letter because they don’t answer your texts and phone calls.

27. Debate on whether vampires are a type of zombie or not.

28. Crochet a blanket.

29. Sleep all day.

30. Koala a telephone pole.

31. Go on walks and end up with a parade of stray dogs following you home.

32. Try to pet the local cows.

33. Start walking toward an old abandoned house and run hard and fast being chased by a dog who has already claimed it for himself.

34. Learn how to drive a standard. (Sort of.)

35. Prepare for family get togethers that you don’t get to attend because you have to work.

36. Be called overweight.

37. Laugh.

38. Pull practical jokes on your cousin over and over again until she puts Bloody Mary on the mirror.

39. Pop, lock, and drop it in the middle of Wal-Mart.

40. Order a new pipe.

41. Be able to quote the whole Mulan movie.

42. Date a guy for two days. (Turns out he doesn’t have a personality.)

43. Prank call people until they hang up on you. Then call them back and say, “If you hang up on me again I’ll cut you like a freaking fish.” Then laughing maniacally, hang up.

44. Text someone who doesn’t have your number and say, “It’s done, but there’s blood everyone.” Then laugh when they reply with, “It’s ok. Just dump the body in the trash can out back….clean the blood up with tampons.”

45. Call a local business and ask to speak to a manager. Then make conversation and make sure they are having a good day.

46. Go to work on your day off to see your buddies.

47. Make sure you say good bye to all the people you like so they know you don’t want them to die.

48. Put a swamp cooler in while your boyfriend-for-two-days watches and then goes back inside saying it’s hot outside.

49. Try a new kind of fish in a lot of different ways.

50. Go to the lake and swallow so much water accidentally (by trying to get on your floatie and falling off when you do actually get on) that you have the poopies later.

Those are just a few suggestions to try. If you would like more information on how to specifically do one of the above, feel free to ask. I assure you I am well experienced.