One Really Long Half-Birthday

I often feel related to this man.
I often feel related to this man.

Today was my half-birthday!! I was going to celebrate my birthday today because my birthday is on Christmas Eve and everything. But it didn’t really happen. I actually ended up having a really long day and now I can’t even type right.

First it started out with work. Bad enough as it is. I mean, it’s Pizza Hut. Not really ever digging this job. But then the manager didn’t have the schedule up and it was the last day of this schedule and people were being jerks and getting on to me for stuff that other people do all the time. I guarantee if I was Sara I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble. So I kindly informed my manager not to put me on the next schedule, if she ever put it up at all. And I turned my uniform in before I went to school.

So, of course I go to school in a bad mood and start kind of snapping at all sorts of people. Including the one person who’s actually brave enough to be my friend. I turned around pretty fast though. I wasn’t having any fun. I tried to set one guy on fire (he dared me to, and I dared on), couldn’t get my torch on a neutral flame without oxidizing it, and basically just screwing up every freaking shape I tried to cut. It was making me stupid mad. And I do mean stupid. I don’t even know where to begin counting how many times I asked Brett what the hell he was talking about. I couldn’t follow anything. Then of course when I thought I finally cut a good one, nope. I have to do “a few more”. Sigh. Sometimes welding makes me want to shoot my foot. Which reminds me, I caught my pants on fire. Sort of. Brett cut out a hexagon and I hammered it out for him. Except I hammered it into my leg. I now have a perfect hexagon on my thigh and a matching hole on my pants. Yessssss. Never mind the fact I bought them for $54. Oh, well. I was kind of asking for it I guess.

Then when I get home (this is where you really want to tune in), I was texting my friend and hanging out with my cousin thinking that maybe, just maybe it could turn out to be a good day after all. Then my cousin, Shelby, had to try and get my phone. So we’re chasing each other all over the house and tackling each other and punching each other and yelling. Then next thing you know, I’m in my room with my phone, sitting in my chair with the victory face on. Shelby comes to my door and says, “I hope you have fun with Bloody Mary looking in your window.” She then turns out my light and closes the door on me. So, I’m sitting in my chair paralyzed in fear from the dark and threat of Bloody Mary herself. Now, I KNOW I’ve mentioned how scared I am of Bloody Mary before. Terrified. Piss in my pants, bawl like a baby, go psycho like Jack Nicolson scared. I’m not kidding when I say I’m scared of her. So, I start crying. Like a toddler. And screaming for Shelby to open the door and turn the light on. What does she do when she hears me? Starts making grudge lady sounds. It’s too much for me. I plug my ears, have tears streaming down my face and start singing—very loudly—Jesus Loves Me. Then when I can’t remember the rest of the words I start screaming for Shelby again. Then when I realize she isn’t coming I resort to full throttled sobbing. Like five hours later, she finally opens the door and turns on the light and laughs at me. Never mind the fact I actually saw something move in my window and was about to die. Nope, she thinks it’s all good fun. Apparently she didn’t realize how scared I was of Bloody Mary. Hmph….

Naturally once the light was on, I grabbed my machete and started texting Brett. So now he thinks I’m a psycho too. Which is just so AWESOME. After lots of praying and sitting quietly with my machete, I get up the courage to go to the kitchen to get some milk. As I’m walking through the door of the kitchen I stub my toe on the ladder that’s just chilling there. At first it was no big deal. Then I started laughing hysterically, and my toe rapidly started swelling and changing colors. I think it’s broken. A good way to end the day I think.

Phew! I can’t believe all of this happened today!!! But I think we’ve all learned a few lessons today. First of all, don’t dare me to set you on fire, because I will. Unless somebody yanks me back. Secondly, don’t doubt me when I say I’m scared of something. Thirdly, I am completely and irrevocably psycho.

Keep it classy, folks.


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