Started From the Bottom, Now We….. Still At the Bottom

Long time no see my friends. Life became crazy and hectic, though to be honest I became a bit of a slacker. Though I guess I always was…. I was just really good at hiding it. Ten things you should know about my life now:
1. I’m finally freaking 21!!!!
2. I have had a boyfriend for almost two months. A real live breathing boyfriend.
3. I will be for reals on my own officially this weekend.
4. I just quit my going-on-two-years job at Sonic and my manager is pissed to put it lightly.
5. I’m writing this post in 40 degree weather.
6. I miss my sissy and bubba.
7. I just got a new job. (Hence, numero 4.)
8. I still to this day, have not wrestled a shark. Or a mongoose.
9. I’m debating on referring to myself in the third person as “The Hyena”.
10. The Hyena is hungry.

Knowing what you now know, The Hyena knows your opinion of The Hyena has only gotten more favorable. The Hyena has missed blogging and will probably be back tomorrow with more interesting conversation.

Bye, Felicia.

The Hyena thinks this will be The Hyena's new selfie.
The Hyena thinks this will be The Hyena’s new selfie.

How You Doin’?

Obviously it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  I don’t even remember what all I’ve written about and what I haven’t.  I don’t particularly want to go back and reread.  I’m too scared I’ll blow my own mind.  But, I will tell you I just worked a fifty hour week.  And before that I worked a sixty hour week. Stupid fast food.  At least it pays the bills. Nothing too exciting has really happened to make anyone chuckle.  But, do you remember when I jumped out of a moving vehicle and got a tooth knocked out?  Almost exactly six months later the tooth beside it was all like, “Hey, I don’t like you anymore and I’m going to die.”  I was like “&(%&^$&)(*^&$#@#^T)*_)&*$#^&TY(*.”  So I had to get a root canal.  And for the first time in my life, I’M IN DEBT. I feel like a real adult and all now.  What, what??? Today my dad pinpointed my boy-craziness to a two year time period. When I was in junior high.  Hmmmmm…. I think I’m going to devote this blog to all the sexy men out there.  Call me. 😉

Image This is Cody Eakin.  He’s a hockey player on the Dallas Stars. Image This is Emmett Cullen.  That’s not his real name.  But I can’t think of his real name.

Image Wolverine. Duh.

Image This is JJ Fields.  He’s in a movie that just came out called Austenland.  He’s the perfect Darcy.

Image Jamie Benn.  Dallas Stars. My favorite person by far right now.

Image You know.

Image Josh Hutcherson.  HUNGER GAAAAAMMMMEEESSS.

Image Miles Austin.  Of course he’s going to make the list.

Image The fire makes this picture hot.

Image Ironman.

Image Ron Weasley.  I always had a thing for red heads.

Image Rocky is my man.

Image Taylor Lautner is every girl’s guilty pleasure crush.

Image Tyler Seguin. Dallas Stars.

Image He’s not so good looking right now.  But put this man in a cape and cowl and you get….. BATMAN!

Image 😀

elvis So what my grandma had a thing for him too?  Doesn’t make him any less attractive.

harrison ford So what my mom has a thing for him too?  Who doesn’t?

Missing People

So for the past week I have really been missing my super-secret best friend Bruce Wayne.  Which is kind of weird for me.  I mean, I miss people like everyone else in the world, but I normally don’t go crazy.  I’m not going crazy.  I already am crazy.  No….  This is coming out all wrong.  Redo.

So I’ve been missing my good friend Bruce for a while now.  I miss a lot of people all the time.  But this time it is particularly strong.  ???  I don’t know where this is going….  Continuing on and hoping I don’t sound too immature.

So you’ve all heard about Bruce.  Some more than others.  We get along very well, and truth be told, I’m very fond of him.  He always knows what to say.  Or if he doesn’t he has me fooled.  He cracks me up all the time, and some of the times I remember most fondly about the Borger-era involved him (when it wasn’t my cousin and I pulling pranks).  But I guess what bothers me most is that, to me, it is really weird.  I normally don’t get that attached to people.  With the rare exception of some family members, life takes me where I go, and if I happen to move away from a friend and we don’t keep it touch for one reason or another, then se lavi.  (Yes, Kenny, I know.  C’est la vie.)

Missing someone is just a weird feeling in general.  It’s like craving a food and being sad and teenagery all at once.  You want to be around that person, and you’re sad that you’re not.  And if you admit it, you’re hormonal or going crazy or way too attached or something.

I admit it!  I’m crazy.  I think we’ve all known that for a while.

you-dont-say

Yes, well…. I think it would be easier to break into a Black Eyed Peas song and call this post a failure.  I obviously have gotten really bad about rambling recently because I feel like I’ve got a good idea and it isn’t.

you-dont-say

Okay, that was uncalled for sir.  Listen, all I’m saying is I’m an emotionless automaton and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing about this siteeashun I gots here.

wait-what-meme-rage-face

Oh, you’re confused??  I’m confused!  How do you keep in contact with a guy who hates texting?  I try, but it’s hard!!  He’s a guy so it’s not like he just talks on the phone.  He hates texting (understandably, I’m not that fond of it), and on top of all that, I can’t just get on my invisible jet and go hang out.  The alternator went out.

when_listening_to_stupid_people_ramble_on_540

So, I’ve come to a logical conclusion.  The lack of a solution.

imagesCA7U7LPC

Yes.  I will just learn to be satisfied with the status quo like the rest of America and not try at anything and when everything goes to shit, blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol.

happy-i-see-what-you-did-there-l

Good, now I’m going to go…. do nothing.  Because I live in Canyon, Texas.  Yippee.

you-dont-say

Hmph, what I’m saying is, I actually miss something (somebody) and it’s throwing off my juju.  I’ve always been the girl that kind of takes everything with a grain of salt, throws a sarcastic comment out, maybe shows some depth if the situation is somewhat serious, and then moves on with life.  But this… This is new to me.  Because I don’t just miss Batman my main man Bruce, I miss my sister too.  And my brother.  But, we can’t just all run away to Ireland.  There’s not enough room on the jet for all of us and commercial travelling is traceable.

So what we have learned from this post:

  1. I miss people.
  2. I ramble
  3. I overuse memes.
  4. My invisible jet is broken.
  5. Worms taste like fried bacon.

There you have it.
There you have it.

 

And for you’re enjoyment:

funny_picdump_411_640_16

I’ve Got a Friend! :D

I'm just so angry sometimes...
I’m just so angry sometimes…

I’m such a nerd. I’m all excited and on a high because I met someone I might actually be able to be friends with for a while. He’s pretty awesome. He’s in my welding class. We basically have the same attitude about life, same humor, and he’s read Animal Farm. That’s a well rounded man these days. Except now I’m all sad because I’m moving on the tenth and he’s not.

Yes, I’m moving for the fourth time within the past year. Rawr. And this time I’m actually like super sad because I made some friends and am happy for the most part. So I’m sure you are wondering why I’m moving now. Well, I can’t seem to find a car I can buy. First I thought I could buy my grandparents’ Mustang, but they decided to sell it to my mom. Then my mom bought another car from across the street, that I had actually been looking at. For like $300. It needed a little bit of work, but still. Meeme had mentioned it to me but told me I didn’t really have enough to start looking for cars so I figured I didn’t need to ask the guy how much he wanted for it. Makes sense, right? But apparently I’m really dumb and said things I don’t remember saying. So, yeah…. I don’t make enough money to get a car financed. I can’t stay here without a car because it is hard on the people I’m living with to drive me around. When I first moved down here, that wasn’t supposed to be the deal, but it is. I got so frustrated I did that really logical thing that people do when they get frustrated. I killed a man. Just kidding. I just felt like that. I called my dad, actually. And now I’m moving back home after this welding class is over. I’m going to take a break and save up enough money to get all my little ducks in order (get a working car all to myself) and then I’ll go back to school.

My new friend said something about it being stupid to let distance come between a friendship. I hope he means it, because it has been really refreshing to be able to talk to someone and joke around. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but it’s not the same. And I love all of my old friends. I have even made plans with one of my old friends from Canyon. But still…. I don’t really know how to explain it.

This wasn’t supposed to be a depressing blog, or a frustrated blog. But my hip hurts. I have one foot with a burn and a bruise. I’m excited to go back to Canyon, but reality hit me pretty hard today when I actually sat down and looked at a calendar.

Welp, keep it classy my friends. At least my computer goes everywhere with me. 

An Hour and a Half Later

I have the bestest best friend ever. Excuse me while I go second grade up in this joint. I was sooooo sad and mad. So I talked to my best friend. And now I’m happy.

Okay, I’ll tell you what really happened. I wrote the above and was like, “O honey sugar sweet iced tea, my life freaking sucks.” So I went to go sit outside and talk to Bruce Wayne (the mysterious friend not previously named) and went psycho. I was like, “If you really meant that you liked being my friend [this sounds so ridiculous in my head] then we should work around the distance.” He was like, “We totally should; you’re my closest friend.” And I was like (in my head), “Where the hell have you been all my life?” I was being all dramatic because that’s normally what I have to do to get people to listen to me and hear what I’m saying and RESPOND. He was just like, chill and okay with it all. I had to apologize for going crazy. Lucky for me, he’s understanding. I hope.

And I of course realize how ridiculously stupid this might sound to you. I mean, I basically forgot I’m nineteen and not seven in drama class. Hmph. Like I said, he’s awesome. I’ve never met anyone that can take what I throw, and be okay with it. And then throw it right back at me. It feels so great. It’s like when that valedictorian of the Institute of Sarcasm (me) finds the valedictorian of the Institute of Verbal Irony (Bruce). SKADOOSH!!!! Instant awesomeness and cutting vocabulary. And cutting looks. And lots and lots of laughing. Yesssssssssss.

I’m kind of hoping he forgets about that link I sent him to this blog. But, Bruce, if you are reading this. Don’t take it in a creepy, psycho, ignore-that-bitch-over-there way. I’m just really happy to have a friend my age. Love you Kenny. Kenny, my love. 😉 And of course my Mason man brother. But, Kennedy and Mason—luckily–don’t have the same experiences that I do. And let’s face it, we’re siblings. We only get each other to a certain point. Then we want to strangle each other. I’ve needed a friend basically. And it’s nice. To have one.

Oh, and I forgot to tell ya’ll!!! I drank milk. That really stressful day I called my daddy….. yeah. I was doing so good!! But, it did me some good. I’m not as addicted to dairy products. So maybe people won’t feel the need to tell me that I’m seriously overweight and the most unhealthy person they’ve ever known. I mean, if you tell me that, I still love you. I’m just a little pissed off. That’s all. Steam’s gotta blow.

I miss squirrels. And football. Which by the way, you poor unfortunate souls will be getting a lot of football highlights. Because I’m going to be living with my dad. Which means I won’t be missing a game this year. Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! MILES AUSTIN. Learn the name. You’ll hear it a lot.

And now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, let the steam blow, let the comments fly, and had a slightly bipolar moment….. I’m going to listen to Christmas music. Acapella Christmas music.

Hey!! Buttercup!!!! Aca-believe it!!!

Keep it classy peeps. I’ll do everything else.

An Old High School Essay

In junior year AP English class, we studied the Scarlet Letter.  Afterwards, we had to come up with our own letter that we thought represented us and write a short essay about why we felt that way.  We also had to make a physical representation of the letter.  Actually make what it would like sort of.  Here’s the essay I wrote, including the short description I included of my letter.  I’m not changing the puncuation, because depite what my teacher says, I think it’s just dandy.

F

Some people say I’m smart; some say I’m stupid.  Some people say I’m fun; some say I’m “cantankerous”.  Oftentimes, it’s because of my obsession with football.  I’m football smart.  I’m stupid because I like football so much.  I’m fun because I understand football and can actually talk football.  I’m fun because I think others can follow my football talk.  I’m cantankerous (annoying to deal with) because of my football obsession.  Ask someone my name and you’ll get: “Britt-the Cowboys fan” or “Britt-the football fanatic”.  That’s who I am.  Football (sadly) controls my moods.  Football interests me in ways nothing else can.  People say I’m obsessive, but don’t we all have something we’re obsessive about?  Mine is football.  The fact I’m so open about it makes me open to ridicule and laughter.  You could put a scarlet letter on me but there’s really no need.  I talk football; I walk football; heck, if football were a food I’d eat it any way it came.  I can relax talking about football, about my favorite Miles Austin, my favorite team the Boys, my rivals of the NFC, my least favorite rules or penalties.  I love the way the turf looks with the clean white lines making the yards.  I love the sounds of plastic hitting platic during a tackle.  I love the smells of popcorn and sweat and sticky-sweet Coke of the games.  My spirit goes up and down with the teams.  My heart speeds up and the adrenaline pumps.  During offseason, I’m like a dormant bear — waiting to be awakened anew by the sweet promise of victory and a good long war.  I hold grudges against other teams and their fans.  Forget the 13th admendment, all Philidelphia Eagles fans should be slaves.  I enjoy the betting, the gambling, the rush of every game.  I enjoy arguing that my team is the best.  It is.  When players hurt, I hurt; I cry.  When players are mad, I’m mad; I yell.  When players are happy, I’m happy; I dance and laugh.  Sometimes I feel guilty about how much my life is devoted to football.  But I need a place for my passion and frustrations to go.  Football is the place I can let go.  Football is the place I feel comfortable in no matter what.  I am football.  (Go Cowboys.)

My letter is black on one side because sometimes football consumes my life leaving no room for anything else.  The other side of my letter is blue, bright blue, because football gives me joy and helps me enjoy life.  Also, blue is the Cowboys’ color.  My letter is small and simple because it is really not necessary; everyone know I love football.  I chose to hang it around my Miles Austin bear because he is my favorite player on my favorite team of my favorite sport.

Wow, I seriously needed some puncuation lessons.  My writing sounds so cavemen-like.  There was no made up wordiness.  Barely any commas to the top.  Altogether, very childish.  Thank God for English teachers.  Whaaaaat.

 

Freakin’ Life Man

And basically that’s how I feel.  When I’m happy it’s because of life.  When I’m all pissed off it’s because of life.  I don’t even know what the point of this post is.  Freakin’ life man.

So basically (what the heck does basically even mean?) everyone around me is being super creative and all artistic and I was all left out and I wanted to make a run on sentence something artistic too.  So I started crocheting again.  Like hard core.  Like my fingers have sores on them from where my crocheting needle has hit, and I stay up until two o’ clock in the morning because I keep thinking, one more round (except I think it 67 times in a row :0).  But, if I’m going to buy seventy dollars worth of crocheting stuff and drag my five-year-old brother along to do it with me, I better make it worth it.

Funny story by the way, do NOT give a five-year-old, overly active boy a Dr. Pepper and ice cream cone if you value your sanity and energy.  I freakin’ love my brother.

I was actually making this super awesome scarf but miscalculated (didn’t calculate) the amount of yarn I needed and so instead of getting more yarn to finish it, I started making a blanket.  Which looks sexy.  If blankets could indeed be sexy.

I also bought needles and thread because I like to sew but I have nothing to sew.  Poop that overlookment.

I have also looked into quilting as a pasttime.  My parents do it and it looks like great fun.  Unfortunately I have run into a few impediments:  my general lack of know-how about a sewing machine (I only sew by hand), my general lack of knowledge about quilting, and my general lack of common sense that prevents me from teaching myself like a smart kid would.  (Nuclear equations, those I got down.  Bascially because it doesn’t help anyone.)

I got some good books for Christmas/birthday that I can’t wait to dig in to.  Actually, I have already started reading one.  My decline in reading speed is astounding.  I will change that indeed.  Can’t have a normal reading speed.  I won’t be as cocky about something useless like reading-speed anymore.  And that would mean…. gasp.  I think I would have to be humble about something!!!!  Aaaaah!  Even this paragraph is condescending.  Oh, snap!!!

Freakin’ life has played it so that I feel guilty about being bored, so—it smells like Subway in our house.  Why does it smell like Subway in our house?  I want Subway!  How late does Subway smell open?

Hmmm…. I forgot what I was talking about.  I keep juxtaposing and integrating words in the wrong manner.  I’m all sorts of wacky write now.

But, I got these really cool bright pink trunks that match my bright pink Nike Airs that I wore to prom.  Now I’ve turned into an interior designer.  I can picture these really cool rooms for my apartment that I don’t have.  And it’s AWESOME. Basically legit.

And with that I am going to say, be prepared people.  Once I get passed my the-zombie-apocalypse-didn’t-happen-and-now-I-look-like-a-fool-and-I-may-be-a-little-disappointed-about-it funk (Nolan Gerard Funk–Google image, you won’t be disappointed) now I’m all thinking about the hottest guy since Miles Austin…. Hmmm… I don’t think Miles Austin and Nolan Funk can be compared they are so different but both so hot oh my gersh i am acting like a teenage girl what has happened to my dignity

 

Me. Now. Looking. At. You.
Me. Now. Looking. At. You.

Thoughts I’ve Had

Due to my general lack of creativity and personality at the moment, I’ll just share something I wrote back in high school.  So long ago…..

This first section is a selection of quotes from my government dual credit discussions we had every week.  Unfortunately I didn’t save the prompts with them, but I think you can still appreciate the humor.  Really, it’s just proof that I was focused on the important things, even back then.

” It’s like….football.  You’re making a fantasy football team.  You want to pick the players that are going to get you the most points, right?  You are not going to pick David Garrard (the not so great QB) over Vick (the QB that gives defenses nightmares).  Vick is the one that will get you farther, will benefit your team more.  It’s the same thing in government.  You have to pick and choose the best.  Both are good quarterbacks.  One is better than the other though.  There are going to be compromises.  And lastly, no one is ever completely satisfied.  Ever.  It’s just not going to happen.  There is always someone who wants more even if it isn’t necessarily what is best.  Terrell Owens, when he was on the Cowboys, was never satisfied with how many catches he got.  Well, if he’s being covered well by defenders, he’s not going to have the ball thrown to him as much.  He wasn’t happy with the fact that he was having a 1,000 yard season and pulling away defenders from the other guys like Patrick Crayton who weren’t so good at getting open.  Nope.  It had to be his way or the high way.  (He ended up taking up taking the high way.)  The people who walked out of the convention or refused to sign, they’re the Terrell Owens of the 18th centry.  They weren’t happy and they were going to throw a fit about it even though the Constitution shaped out to be a pretty sweet deal for everyone.  And, hey, if you don’t like it, there are other countries in the world.”

“If they [Congress] tried to draft a law or something to take complete control, the president would not approve it because he already has so little power anyway.  Unless it was some really daft airhead who’s used to being told what to do anyway like Kris Jenner.  And who would vote for someone related to the Kardashians?”

“The Congress is like (another football analogy) our general manager, the president our coach (not all coaches lead us to victory), the courts our referees (no one did ever like those guys).  Like any team, if they can’t all stay within their realm but still find a way to work together and make sure everything is running smoothly, the league goes to…..baseball.  Just kind of kidding.  But seriously, if the coach makes all the calls the players are run to death and good for nothing, if the general manager makes all the calls then we’ll get no where because they’re all just about the money.  If refs make all the calls….. I don’t want to think about that.  The key to a successful team, I mean government, is to make sure all the key components pull their fair share and work together for the good of the game and the players.  (Is there any way Jerry Jones can read this, please?)”

Basically we can learn from this that I learned nothing from government and I was obviously busier thinking about other more important things than whether or not the president really has power.  Or who the president is.  Around the time I wrote these posts for government, I also got ten bonus points on a English reading quiz for answering the question, “What is the first line of the song on page 60?”  with all of Miles Austin’s stats I could think of at the time.  I.e. I wrote really small and the whole page was covered.  I knew where the real information was people.  nfl.com