It’s basically the biggest irony of my life right now. Situational irony, i.e. drama. That’s right. Everything those people older and snarkier than you said was true. The drama doesn’t stop after high school… Dangg.
In order to not sound like the little drama queen child I still am at heart, I’m going to go all illiterate on ya’lls.
I wants to feels all importants and stuffs. Like, usiness and stuff. But then when people are all abouts the, like, usiness… wells, it’s very angry-making. And it makes me be all like usenotness. And then I feel all… guilty-making. And I’m like , rawr.
Mwahahaha. So, BASICALLY, here’s gow it goes down. At work there’s this guy… (My sister gets mad when I start stories like this.) And he’s a great guy. But he never really had a chance I guess. He makes these faces sometimes when he’s concentrating on something that remind me of Cameron. Not a great start for the guy since I’m being all drama-making and deciding I don’t want anything to do with him. But, I decided that it wasn’t very fair to him, judging the book by the cover and all. So when he talked to me, I started giving more than one-word answers. One night I even gave him a ride home. Then I gave him a ride home next floorset. BASICALLY, I can’t say, “No.” Next thing you know, we took it to the next level. He started texting me, interrupting my pre-work nap, to tell me he also needed a ride to work. Yes, master. (I think I’m starting to get angry. Pause for the cause.) Since I can’t say no, of course I did so. Then it got to the point where dear–we’ll call him Quan, started to not even ask and just followed me to my car every night we worked together.
Don’t get me wrong. I know sometimes people just really need a ride. And I get that. It was my high school career, begging for rides to events. Especially my choir concerts. I digress, the problem is not with the rides. No, the problem is that the only time Quan talks to me is at work when we are in the same vicinity. On the rides home he talks about hanging out, but never follows through. I’m not saying he’s intending to, or means to come off like such, but I, once again, feel used. And it makes my usiness turn to usenotness pretty fast. And puts me into an angry-making mood.
Is it normal to feel this way? Am I being drama-making as well? Or do I have the right to feel that way? No, not entitlement. That’s not what I want. I just don’t know if I’m even close to being justified for being frustrated at this point. Or is it something that happens in, like, normal society and I’m old fashioned or something? Whatever it is, just the fact that I can’t say no is frustrating enough. And it’s not just with him, mind you. I have trouble saying no to anyone. I may not say yes excitedly, but I hardly ever say no. And the few times I do, I feel immediately guilty.
Just today, my brother asked me to take him to Wal-Mart and I told him, “No, I took you last night.” I was annoyed that he had got me out of my book and stupor in the world of Stephanie Meyer’s The Host for something so….umm, trivial? But the second I sat back down and opened my book I immediately felt guilty. Had my sister not distracted me by saying something, I would have run after him and apologized and told him I just needed to put my shoes on. And I bet while we were there I would have paid for whatever he wanted out of guilt. And this is not an isolated event. In fact, not only will a negatory answer to someone’s request make me feel bad, but just agreeing in a bad tone will make me feel guilty.
Surely not normal. Also not normal, celery flavored toothpaste. But that’s beside the point. I guess if I hadn’t already broke all of my resolutions and felt unmotivated and such I could make that a resolution. Freakin’ life man.