Usiness and Usenotness and Other Made Up Words

It’s basically the biggest irony of my life right now.  Situational irony, i.e. drama.  That’s right.  Everything those people older and snarkier than you said was true.  The drama doesn’t stop after high school… Dangg.

In order to not sound like the little drama queen child I still am at heart, I’m going to go all illiterate on ya’lls.

I wants to feels all importants and stuffs.  Like, usiness and stuff.  But then when people are all abouts the, like, usiness… wells, it’s very angry-making.  And it makes me be all like usenotness.  And then I feel all… guilty-making.  And I’m like , rawr.

Mwahahaha.  So, BASICALLY, here’s gow it goes down.  At work there’s this guy…  (My sister gets mad when I start stories like this.)  And he’s a great guy.  But he never really had a chance I guess.  He makes these faces sometimes when he’s concentrating on something that remind me of Cameron.  Not a great start for the guy since I’m being all drama-making and deciding I don’t want anything to do with him.  But, I decided that it wasn’t very fair to him, judging the book by the cover and all.  So when he talked to me, I started giving more than one-word answers.  One night I even gave him a ride home.  Then I gave him a ride home next floorset.  BASICALLY, I can’t say, “No.”  Next thing you know, we took it to the next level.  He started texting me, interrupting my pre-work nap, to tell me he also needed a ride to work.  Yes, master.  (I think I’m starting to get angry. Pause for the cause.)  Since I can’t say no, of course I did so.  Then it got to the point where dear–we’ll call him Quan, started to not even ask and just followed me to my car every night we worked together.

Don’t get me wrong.  I know sometimes people just really need a ride.  And I get that.  It was my high school career, begging for rides to events.  Especially my choir concerts.  I digress, the problem is not with the rides.  No, the problem is that the only time Quan talks to me is at work when we are in the same vicinity.  On the rides home he talks about hanging out, but never follows through.  I’m not saying he’s intending to, or means to come off like such, but I, once again, feel used.  And it makes my usiness turn to usenotness pretty fast.  And puts me into an angry-making mood.

Is it normal to feel this way?  Am I being drama-making as well?  Or do I have the right to feel that way?  No, not entitlement.  That’s not what I want.  I just don’t know if I’m even close to being justified for being frustrated at this point.  Or is it something that happens in, like, normal society and I’m old fashioned or something?  Whatever it is, just the fact that I can’t say no is frustrating enough.  And it’s not just with him, mind you. I have trouble saying no to anyone.  I may not say yes excitedly, but I hardly ever say no.  And the few times I do, I feel immediately guilty.

Just today, my brother asked me to take him to Wal-Mart and I told him, “No, I took you last night.”  I was annoyed that he had got me out of my book and stupor in the world of Stephanie Meyer’s The Host for something so….umm, trivial?  But the second I sat back down and opened my book I immediately felt guilty.  Had my sister not distracted me by saying something, I would have run after him and apologized and told him I just needed to put my shoes on.  And I bet while we were there I would have paid for whatever he wanted out of guilt.  And this is not an isolated event.  In fact, not only will a negatory answer to someone’s request make me feel bad, but just agreeing in a bad tone will make me feel guilty.

Surely not normal.  Also not normal, celery flavored toothpaste.  But that’s beside the point.  I guess if I hadn’t already broke all of my resolutions and felt unmotivated and such I could make that a resolution.  Freakin’ life man.

Yeah!! I mean, no.
Yeah!! I mean, no.

Taking Out Frustration

That awkward moment when you can’t find anything nice to say so you just take all of your frustration out on your blog readers.

 First off, my little sister is sick.  I mean, I don’t want to sound self-centered or anything, but it kind of sucks.  The last thing I want right now is to get sick.  I mean, I’ve already felt sick for the past week, and now someone in our family is sick.  With eight people in one house, it doesn’t take much to pass it around.  On top of that, she stayed home today from school.  Only not.  She went to my grandparents house.  That’s fine, I really don’t care except it seemed like a waste of time to me.  And for some reason I felt insulted.  I was/am off all day long today.  I don’t see why I wasn’t capable of watching her today.  I’ve been sick myself multiple times.  I’ve watched all of them multiple times.  I couldn’t take care of a nine year old girl for a few hours? It would’ve saved gas, which we were apparently running low on anyways.

Second point.  I hate my job with all that’s in me.  I’m not allowed to name it.  So I’ll call it Bullseye. (C’mon people.)  I don’t think it’s really anything that the store itself is doing wrong.  There are certainly things that they did, or rather didn’t do, that made me angry.  For example, since I’m on a roll here, I worked for two weeks without knowing whether I was going to work the next day or not.  I eventually had enough and called up to the HR department and asked them when and where the schedule came out.  After already asking three times that day about it to my shift manager.  Then there was one Sunday I didn’t work because I went to Amarillo for the weekend (the disastrous car trip) and told them plenty ahead of time (three days before the fact) that I would not be working because their lack of communication did not allow me to plan around my schedule so they were going to have to plan around me.  (I said it in more of a diplomatic way of course.)  The manager I talked to decided not to tell anyone about it so everyone was pissed off at me because they think I was just a random no show.  AND… on my first day of training, all I learned was what I was able to observe.  I tried to ask questions but the chick wouldn’t let me get two words in without deciding what she had to say was more important, so I never really got any question answered.  After the second hour of that, I gave up and told them to just put me on my own register because I wasn’t learning anything just by standing there.  On top of that, when I took my second job (which is one shift a week, tops) they said they weren’t sure they could put that in for me.  I mean, these guys just enter in everyone’s availability onto a computer program and the computer puts the schedule together.  All I was asking was for one day, besides that I had open availability.  Pull it together lady.  So, I’ve been working at “Bullseye” for around about a month now and I’m [insert phrase of choice here to express anger].  I never get to see my family.  I came down here to see them and get to know them better, and hopefully be able to help them out.  Now, I’m not even home to do anything except sleep!!!!  And I really just hate my job.  For some reason, I can’t make myself like it.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s slow paced, monotonous, and has no variety or brain cells needed…. no, that’s probably why I don’t like it.  Point of the matter is, I’m quitting.  I don’t need that much money.  And after talking to my mom, it sounds like I’m more of a help when I’m able to be home and help out here.  I’ll keep my second job (which I absolutely love and pays so much better and works better schedule wise) for my needs.

Lastly, and I’m going to keep this short and sweet so I don’t say too much and insult anybody else, some people I really can’t stand, and some people need to quit blaming me for some of their issues.  It’s making me very very very very angry.