So, I have now decided to actually talk about the stuff that other people would find important. Mainly the people who don’t really think the zombie apocalypse is going to transpire. As I alluded to in my last post, some crazy stuff happened during this past week that I wish I could say affected me more than it did. But, it is what it is. Sure it’s sad that I don’t even feel that bothered about it. I was angry for sure. But I didn’t feel hurt or sad. I was just angry. I guess I should actually say what happened.
This past weekend I went to go pick up my little sisters from their dad’s. I went by myself so I could stay at my friends’ and hang out. First thing was I ended up hanging out with Cameron. We mainly just watched movies and talked, but I was so sure that I was “over it” or whatever. Basically I made my self look like a freaking idiot because I told him I was never going to talk to him again, then we stayed up late into the night catching up. What the heck is my problem? I didn’t even care that the relationship we have is crazy and not good for either of us. I have resolve for a few days that I’m moving past the stuff that’s pulling me down, then I just fall right back down like a fat kid on a slide. I want to tell him that I shouldn’t have hung out with him that night. But, I like his company. He’s a good listener, and he’s funny. We’ve been at each other’s throats before, but it always worked out in the end. I guess the real question is, is it at the expense of me and my goals and my beliefs? And I think it is. I don’t like to come off as wishy-washy but I’ve made myself that way. It’s not the relationship that bothers me so much, I think, as the fact that I can be SO determined about something and go the completely opposite direction a couple days later. That is perhaps the most frustrating. I can see what isn’t good in my life. I can stop it too. But when it comes down to it, I lack the conviction to pull through and do it anyway. I guess it’s so much easier to live the same way.
Now that I’ve been all teenage dramatic, here’s the real event that pissed me off. My stepmother, Darla, texted me-yes, texted me-that I need to call a number, it was the phone company; she had released the rights to my phone and I had to pick them up; I had to get my stuff out of the building because she needed the space, and she thought I was trying to push them away. Bish didn’t even have the courage to call me and tell me. Why the heck would you not talk to someone about stuff like that? No, let’s just shoot them a text like it’s no big deal. Maybe play it down. Yeah, that’s real adult-like right there. They preached and preached about acting like an adult and being RESPONSIBLE and RESPECTFUL. But, I guess I don’t understand it. Anyways, so I called the phone company and told them what’s up. I didn’t seal the deal. I called my mom, literally shaking with anger, and told her what happened. After a quick discussion, I decided not to accept the rights to my phone. I think it was a low blow and unneccessary. Really, they are just pissed off because I’m not living with them and I’m doing fine. They were always asking me if there was something wrong or going on. Get over yourselves. Really. Later after I got home Darla and I had a heated discussion about everything. They are convinced that I moved out on my own will (telling me I have 30 minutes to get out means I moved out on my own will) and that I’m being immature and betraying them. I’m ungrateful. They are the victims. Yeah, I went into town to see some friends and didn’t tell them. The last two times I saw them they barely spoke to me. When I tried to involve myself they just acted like it was an obligation to listen and I was an annoying family member they were forced to chill with. Why would I want to see them? Apparently my father texted me and asked if I was in town the day before. I never got the text, so I couldn’t reply to it. But he’s convinced I got it and ignored it. His phone told him. All your phone tells you is that it was sent. My God. Your phone cannot tell you if it was received by the other phone or that it was read. After my argument with Darla, my father texted me this:
I did text you last night. It shows it was received and read. I know you are an adult. Act like one. Don’t access my part of the FAFSA anymore. You are an adult you can figure out how to go to school without my help and information. You did say you were moving out. I was as tired of your crap then as I am now. We went out of our way because we wanted to see you Wednesday, but you wouldn’t hardly say two words to us. [Bull shit.] I didn’t want to see you the last time you were in town because you sent me a hateful text earlier that day. [I told him I was coming into town to visit my friends anyway because he made some lame excuse saying he didn’t want to see me because he didn’t want me driving at night.] I get the message. You hate me. I will not contact you again. Please make arrangements to pick up the rest of your stuff. If you ever want to talk to me, you know how to get in touch with me. I will always gladly talk to you, but you will have to be the one to call or text. I will not call you or text you again without hearing from you first. I love you, [sounds like it] but I cannot keep living like this.
Me: I won’t put forth effort if you won’t. Sorry you see it that way. Love you too. Bye.
They burnt this bridge not me. They’re gonna try and eat their words someday, and they’re going to find I don’t give a flying shit. To put it as nicely as I can right now.
It was bound to happen sooner or later people. You all knew it. Someday or later I was going to post about football and the Cowboys and Miles Austin. I have tried very hard not to so far, but now I can’t help myself. You see, I am a very superstitious girl when it comes to football. I have to wear certain things on game day, or something bad will happen. I have to be attentive to the game or something bad will happen. Among other things. And yesterday, Thanksgiving day, some crazy stuff happens that is pretty crazy even if you aren’t superstitious.
First of all, I had prepared the green bean casserole to be put in the oven at Mama Joan’s house. As I was carrying it out to the van, it leaked copious amounts of milk onto one of my lucky gameday shirts. So, I had to quickly change my shirt and I didn’t have time to pull out my jersey and tank top so I ended up just wearing a shirt that could pass for Cowboys’ colors. Secondly, my hip kept hurting and popping out of place. I would just be sitting and I’d fidget a little bit and it’d pop out and hurt really bad. You’ll see why this is significant in a bit. Lastly, I looked at the score quite a few times. But, as I was at someone else’s house and they were watching a movie, I couldn’t really watch the game without being rude. I saw the score at half time and gave up on the day. It was 28-3 Redskins. Blast it all. I remember thinking to myself, “The Cowboys are going to end up losing for the first time in a freaking long time on Thanksgiving, and Miles Austin won’t have a single freaking catch.” (Miles is my favorite player since, like, 2006 when he was a rookie.)
Those thoughts ended up being true unfortunately. The Cowboys lost the game and Miles Austin didn’t have a single catch. Get this, this is insane: He had a HIP strain on an attempted catch. His HIP. In fact, the same side I was having issues with. Like, WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?! I’m so blown away right now. And angry. But, I’ll leave it be.
Maybe you aren’t superstitious. But like the commercial says, it’s only crazy when it doesn’t work.
I left my blog in quite a shape. All frustrated like that. I think that everyday I told myself I was going to blog and then…. I didn’t. Baha.
Basically I’ve gone crazy.
This may or may not be a conversation I had last night with “somebody that I used to know.” Just so you kinda get a feel for how things have been going. I assure you it’s worth a good laugh and a big revelation at the end. And it will read faster than you think. I apologize in advance for the grammatical errors. It WAS a text conversation.
Man who doesn’t talk to me unless he wants someone to cook for him, “What’s good britt?”
Me: me. mwahaha. nothin. you?
man: Haha how are you though?
Me: depends on the day. Alright today. You?
man: That’s good..and I’m alright today 🙂
Stupid me: That’s good. 🙂 are we gonna chill this weekend?
man: oh its this weekend?
yea why not I thot it was next week and was confusing myself lol
Me (still stupid): Lol. If ur vusy its okay. Im still not even sure where im staying yet. I havent been on the ball plannin this trip.
man: Hmm when you comin down?
Regretful me: Saturday morning. Ill leave sunday around lunch or shortly after.
man: Hmm and what all were you gonna do again britt
Me: Uh. Idk. Just gotta pick up my sisters sunday.
man: ya so what are you makin thanksgiving?
Cynical me has arrived: Oh. u know…. turkey.
man: your makin the turkey?
Me: Lol. Naw. Im making the rolls, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, and I think thats it
man: That’s a frickin lot of dishes.. but you like cookin huh
Me: I do indeed.
man: You should make me sumn
Me: Only if u make me sumn
man: My stove doesn’t work
Apathetic me: I have a family of eight.
man: You beast! [as if i birthed them.] When do you start preppin the food?
Annoyed me: Maybe Wednesday night. But prolly just thursday morning.
man: Any pies..you makin any pies?
Me: Maybe chocolate. But my sister, mom, aunt, and grandma are all making one or two. Plus cookies.
man: You beast!
SERIOUSLY ANNOYED ME: I guess…
conniving man: I’m just going to my boy jays house
Smart Ass Me: Now?
man: No thur
Me: Oh. Thats cool ig. Just u two?
man: Me and my roommate Adam and a bunch of other ppl its gonna be pretty fun..I don’t think you’ve met jay
Me: I don’t think I’ve met anybody. Lol. Imma spend it with family. I havent seen my aunt in like 2 days so im super excited. Lmao.
dumb man: You should be..I wonder what your hair color is
Cynical Me: so do i.
man: Are you gon dyen again?
Me: Cant u txt like a normal person? no i havent. I was bein a smart ass.
man: My bad, I figured you were but wanted to be safe type situations lol [he talks like this in real life too]
Me: U scared of me?
man: Lol……….no……um never lol
Me: Don’t lie to me
man: Why would I be scared lol
Me: Cuz im mean. Lol. Ego boost for me. 😉
man: You think your mean lol [his last mistake in this conversation]
Me: I am. Uve even said so.
man: You have a temper but your not mean
man: Mmm maybe a lil but you don’t scare me at all
Me: Who you been doin that makes you a ho?
man: What are you talkin about
Me: I called you a ho and u said maybe a lil.
man: Lol did i [this isn’t a laughing matter dude]
O I was doin a second reply to your question
Me: So ur scared of me!
man: No your scared of me
Me: Nope. Not at all.
man: Don’t lie
Me: I never lie.
Unless ur ghost face, im not scared of u
man: I guess we ain’t scared of eachother..so Idk britt
Lol I know you like it
Me: “so idk britt” whats that mean?
man: I was just sayin Idk.
Lol are my txts weird
Me: Udk what?
Yes. No. Just dont follow logical convo [Ha! How’s that for confusing?]
man: We were talkin bout who’s scared of who and I say we not scared of eachother so I’m tellin you I dont know if i’m scared of you cuz Idk
Me: Wtf. Ok. Im literally lol [at you]
man: No lol I’m not but I haven’t been around you in a situation that would unleash that side
Me: Well, consider urself lucky. 🙂
man: Huh..lol I’m far from the good luch atleast
Me: Psh. Whatever. The fact that you know me is good luck.
That was stuck up, huh?
man: Maybe a lil lol
Me: Cept you know I don’t mean it
man: Or do I…….lol I know [I did mean it.]
Me: What’d u say?
Evil Plan Hatched Me: Baha!! I miss you. [not really] watched a movie the other night that reminded me of you. Sort of.
man: What movie? Remember the Titans? [great joke set up, but the one I have planned is better so I’ll ignore it.] [that was literally my thinking process]
Me: Baha! nope. Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
man: Never seen it
Me: Well. Its swedish. And graphic. In all sortsa ways. Ya?
man missing the point: You like graphic huh
Me: No. I had read the book. The book was very mature and I expected the movie to be the same. It made me very angry. The girl’s rape was nasty. But that wasn’t what reminded me of you.
man: Wtf did you just say a girls rape and my name in the same sentence?
Me: I didn’t say your name anywhere in the text. I said it WAS NOT what reminded me of you.
man: I know what you said..its just that’s what you picked to say about the movie..it was weird to me
Frank Me: Its what the story was built around. Women cruelty.
man: What part of the movie makes you think of me
Me: The main character was short. [Oh my gosh I’m still laughing over this. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!]
man cluing in: Do you think I’m an asshole?
I’ll end that conversation there. Basically this guy kind of affected a lot of the decisions I made through out my senior year. A lot of them I regretted. I don’t necessarily put all the blame on him. I know I was stupid to listen to every word he said like he was Ghandi or something, but the man (Cameron) knew my beliefs and never respected them. He was always trying to change them, and I’m afraid he succeeded in a lot of areas. I was weak. And that’s my fault, but at the same time, he should have been respectful to my beliefs and values. So last night the conversation that I may or may not have had with Cameron escalated. Being 500 miles away really changes your perspective. I had a lot of time to think and I knew it was time to quit hanging on. And I finally told him so. When I was explaining it to my sister, “I am a strong, independent black woman. I don’t need no man. Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
Her reply, “Juice makes me happy. Yes.”
There’s a lot of reflection going on in my head while I’ve been MIA. I haven’t been the kind of person I want to be. And I think it’s time I cut my losses, quit throwing the pity-party, and pull the lead outta my butt and as Barlow Girl so wisely put it in one of my favorite songs, “be the change you [I] wanna see.” Someone else might have said that too.
Also, special shout out to a great man for admitting publicly twice that he reads, and enjoys, my blog. SQUIRREL!!!!! Ditto.
Peace out people.